ohh pooooeey

have you ever look forward to something. to find out it was just a slap in the face at the door?
I've been through that too many times . so much that my face is numb and its like a daily routine. how am i suppose to say OMG MY SENIOR YEAR IS AMAZING. when its not. i understand its like been 2 weeks since school started and things probably haven't fell into place yet. well that's an understatement. Nothing really in these past 2 weeks really made me go WHOO THIS IS MY SENIOR YEAR AND THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN. nope none of that sorry to burst your bubble, but this is no high school musical. I know somewhere in the near future things will brighten maybe its cause of the heat. but as for now i don't look forward to school like my past 3 years in highschool. its more of a shrug. I love being the sbp but my passion to have the school spirited is just another bitch slap to the face cause in reality kids at verdugo hate the school. they call it verdrugo i mean i am guilty for calling it that sometimes, but thats not the problem. the problem is i hate how kids come to me and go OMG ! we have to do this, this, this, and that. and they don't even follow through with one thing that happens at our school. well students. i apologize for my naggingness but HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH MY PLANS IF YOU DONT SHOW UP?. its not only that sports. ha like i see the team being so pumped and ready to win this year and the coach doesnt have shiet straight like are you joking? im here and im ready to dominate while you are doing some shiet and you think you sending me text saying you have to do something is going to make me feel any better? no. i can be in tennis they are dedicated coach is there. i love tennis too but basketball is my hype. i want to tennis because the people in there want to make it. i want that drive. the whole money thing is like a pain pay this pay that. and worst of all my mains are all pratically busy. like its so hard to find time to breathe when no one is there to tell you to calm down. stuck out like a sore thumb. no one to really sit down and ask if you are okay. like im sure they are stressing like i do and feel the way i do.people from time to time do ask how i am. its not that i dont want to reply my real answer its just too much. and once i say it what you are going to say is not gonna make it better. i don't need someone to sugar coat my shiet. i dont need pity. all i need is the time and energy i put into something returned. im not gonna seat somewhere and tell you that i want to cry and just drop everything i know my duties i know my life i know what i chose.i know the consequences.i know moping about it isnt gonna change anything. i know there's people out there in worse situations.

why have hope for something if you know its gonna be false.