the expected has just arrived and made my emotions unexpected.

*sigh.. i was joyfully watching megamind, i felt a sudden vibration from my phone. that person had gotten rejected. As i rush to my room to go online to check where my destiny resides. I anxiously scrabbled around my email looking for my password.. Once i got directed to the log in my heart was beating in slow motion in and out of my chest, as if that one click on my mouse was just deciphering my fate.. i clicked it. while i was seconds away from great happiness or unfortunate depression. i was gathering my emotions and telling myself what ever happens do not cry. that is not the only school that is out there for me. there is always other schools, but i knew my heart was waiting to be fulfilled with joy since it was my dream school since i was young. i remember stepping foot on the campus so inspired so fulfilled. once i clicked on the page and i started to read what it stated. As my heart was setting itself up to squeal like a 5 year old. i catch the words We have carefully reviewed your application and regret that we are unable to offer you admission to the University of California, San Diego. my heart sank so far down into my abdomen like i just swallowed an anchor. Sudden tears just ran down my face like bullets every drop fell into my lap like sharp knives. My body was becoming weak with these words. This can't be true. This is a nightmare. My Dream school has denied me. The school that i long awaited to study and start my adventures in becoming the person i had dreamed of. I understand i am no valedictorian. im not rank in the ranges from 1-100. but these feelings that i have they just shook me down to my weakest point. My mind just flipped me into a world of obliviousness. i am dumb. To you it might be nothing because you might have gotten accepted to a greater school. or maybe you got rejected as well. you may understand what i am going through. Im sorry but the feelings that i have right at this moment enrages me on how i am so dumb. how did i expect to get into a school such as San Diego. But this was just different. this was MY DREAM SCHOOL. i had planned my future around this school. How did i become so dumb and careless. my aspirated dream has just been ripped out of my heart tossed out like a meatless bone to a pack of wolves. no emotions. no safety net. nothing. i understand i should keep my chin up for other schools. i know i will get over it. i know crying and ranting on how its so unbelievable to me is not going to change the results that i have received. but this just puts me in the reality that i am not going to make it to any Uc's. i said ALL OR NOTHING. and i guess i have been placed into the nothing. How can this be? i might be no Einstein but i am nor an idiot. From all the things I've been through i just thought that my glass was going to half filled not half empty this time. just this once. to others the result was probably obvious. Don't get me wrong it was explicit to me too like when ___told me that they didn't get in, its just that 0.1% of me told me that i was going to get in because it was my dream school and i was just destined to go there. Well thanks life, for bitch slapping me in the face and throwing me into a pile of sharpened nails. Like i said before i need no pity. i really don't. the "everything is going to be okay, there's other schools" to me is just i know i saw this coming, i know you're not good enough. i don't blame you guys. I am just plain dumb. I feel like isolating from the world right at this point. sigh* but i thank you for being there....

i guess that's just life.